ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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