I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
