wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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