Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
