Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
