i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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