If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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