oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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