I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
