you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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