I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize