She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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