Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize