Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's blow job season.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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