Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
