she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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