it hurts more in the daytime
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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