we have officially lost it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
