my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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