dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
