Where is the hickey?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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