Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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