So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
