I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
