hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
