I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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