Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
