i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize