my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize