And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
