The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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