yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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