your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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