I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
