i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize