Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
