I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
