I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
