Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think my vagina is haunted
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
tell me about the fingering
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