could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
