I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
