I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
