; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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