But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
