So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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