so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
