You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
