oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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