I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
