I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
