Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my poor anus
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
