He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
