She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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