Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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