So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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