I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
