I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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