He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
