Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
