If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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