If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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