so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
