The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
