i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
