life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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