Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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