whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
